April 29, 2007

What They Would Write About Me If I Were Famous

I was going through the check out line today, loading my butter toffee peanuts on to the little conveyer belt when a headline caught my eye.

"Jennifer Aniston Looks Pregnant!"

And accompanying that exciting headline was a picture of a svelte woman in a form fitting dress. Huh? I leaned in closer thinking, "Maybe it is time for glasses." With my eyes squinted I stared at her abdomen. The only thing protruding was her ripped abdominal muscles and I snickered to myself. PUHLEEZE! If that woman looks pregnant than I must look like I'm having twins next week. Then I got to thinking. If I was rich and famous and someone actually cared to put me on the front cover of a gossip rag what would my tagline say. What would they catch me doing? Here's what I came up with....

Gayle Caught With No Make-Up On, Dirty Pre-Schooler In Tow, Buying Out The Twinkie Rack At Wal-mart! What would her personal trainer and stylist have to say?

Aliens Invaded Mother Of Four's Home! Quote from neighbor, "I though there wuz somethin' fishy goin' on over thar! When I came over to visit she wouldn't let me in the door and thar wuz all kinds of strange noises coming from the inside."

Homeschool Advocate Turns Up Missing! Found Hiding Under Dining Room Table. "Sheesh, We Were Just Playing Hide and Seek. Who Knew It Would Take Them So Long To Find Me."

Three-Year Old Boy Taken To Emergency Room. Was There Foul Play? Harried Mother Says, "He Was Trying To Hide His Peas So He Wouldn't Have To Eat Them. It Only Took 2 Hours For The Doctor To Get Them Out Of His Nose!"

Boy am I glad nobody's following me around with a camera.

*previously posted on 06/16/2006


call*me*kate said...

I would really hate to be in the public eye like that - these people will do anything just to keep themselves in the spotlight. Thanks for stopping by my blog AND my town! I hope you had a lovely day in Astoria! I was trying to remember what I was doing yesterday - hmmm... I know I went for a walk up our hill (we live on the other side of the hill from town, facing the bay) just after lunch and I went to Safeway (if you came in on Hwy 30, you passed it on the right) just before dinner. Oh, I sat in the sun on our deck for awhile with my dh. The rest of the day was a blur I'm always amazed at the views, everywhere I look here. I started a blog on this site other day but I'm not leaving HSB, so I guess I'll dual blog for now! Take care!


P.S. I also a fellow believer in chocolate breaks!

call*me*kate said...

It's me again. I forgot to thank you for your nice comments on my post. And thanks for thinking of me when you were in my fair city!


Big Red Driver said...

At least they didn't mention your love life!! Funny.

chickadee said...

i'm with you there. i look so pregnant and i've even been asked a few times if i am.

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