The whining, fussing, backtalk and disrespect from my kids has reached epic proportions this week and for some reason I’ve been at a complete loss as to how to fix it. As I stood in the middle of my family room and screamed “SHUT-UP” until my tonsils rattled, my smart husband who was working in his home office crept up the stairs to investigate the source of his wife’s obvious breakdown.
There I stood in tears of frustration, sobbing and trying to explain just how truly horrible my children were. How all they do is whine and complain and disrespect me and I just don’t know what to do to fix it.
I tried not to cry, (cuz I just hate doing it) but the more I held back the more the snot ran out my nose. I waited for his comforting words and the wrath that he was sure to bring down on the kids in my defense.
I waited….
and waited….
And as gently as he could, my husband told me how to solve my problem. He basically said that the way to fix the problem is to stop doing it myself. Oh, he said it much nicer and more palatable than that, and he very kindly included himself in there too, but I knew he meant it for me.
And I turned on him faster than a gallon of milk left in the trunk on a hot day. I blamed him for not understanding, for not truly listening, for giving me the wrong answer, for not giving me tools to fix the problem right now…..dang it, I blamed him because it was raining outside. I blamed him just enough for him to get mad too and then stomp away in distraction so we’d get off the topic of me.
And all the while I knew he was right.
In the earlier years of our marriage I would have stubbornly held my ground until he apologized and admitted how horribly wrong he was, but I like to think I’ve matured just a tiny bit since then, and I knew what I had to do.
I swallowed hard and went down to his office to admit he was right. To humble myself enough to ask him to forgive me and let him know that he was dispensing wisdom, but I just didn’t want to hear it since it involved changing myself rather than fixing someone else. We hugged and the last of my pride leaked out my tear ducts.
And this thought kept going through my head…
The wounds from a lover are worth it; kisses from an enemy do you in.
Proverbs 27:6 (The Message)
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13 comments:
There's nothing more annoying than when my husband tells me the kids are whining because I'm whining. Much as I hate it, there's just no one else to tell me these things without suffering the deadly blows from my ninja skills.
I had to apologize to my husband yesterday too.
I don't want to be a fool either. I want to have a heart that is able to be corrected, chastised, rebuked, and taught.
"Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser; teach a just man and he will increase in knowledge" Proverbs 9:9
" He who keeps instruction is in the way of life, but he who refuses correction goes astray." Proverbs 10:17
"Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid." Proverbs 12:1 (OUCH! that hurts my toes!)
That lesson that you posted about is the HARDEST lesson to learn, and it's one I've learned the hard way over the past 14 years......
You will be rewarded for your longsuffering.
Thanks for the post!
Leanne
I believe I have to apologize (or need to even if I don't) to my husband a lot lately. I blame the weather...but it's not working. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman...but my actions say "you need an attitude adjustment.". ;) Thank you for sharing your day, it is helpful for me.
I just love you. You are CLEARLY maturing! (I'm not QUITE where you are yet, but maybe someday!)
And turning faster than the milk thing? Brilliant. Did you make that up?!
Yea. The milk analogy was great and I'm still so imature that I wanted your story to turn out different and it was really your husbands fault or something. But you did good.
i've had that kind of week all month.
Oh yes -I can truly relate.
It is very nice to be a bit more mature - even if it comes with wrinkles and sagging (pointing to myself) if it comes with moments like these.
I love posts like this. It is always really good to be reminded that I am not the ONLY imperfect homeschool mom out there who actually SINS, and I mean bigtime sins like hollering at the kids day after day...
I'm slow. Supposedly I'm a really smart person, or so I've always been told, but I'm only smart in the things that don't really matter. It took me a looooong time to figure out that the reason my kids act the way they do is because, well, they learn it from me. (Duh.)
And don't you HATE it when Hubby is right? Especially when it means that you have been wr... wr... wro... oh, never mind.
BJ
www.homeschoolblogger.com/40winkzzz
Why do I get such a sense of relief to read posts like this? I am so happy to know that I am not alone! My husband and I were talking about the same thing today- modeling correct behaviour in front of our kids. I read the above post, but will have to go think of some questions.
The behaviors I see in my kids that mirror my behaviors, are the ones that bug me the most...go figure.
We all have those "breakdown" moments. I'm sorry for your bad day, I can so relate. DH was "right" on three different occasions this weekend -- to which I had to apologize AND give a 10-minute back rub;o) That'll teach me for making silly bets.
Hard to admit isn't it? The fact that you were able to humble yourself and admit he was right shows maturity. I can very much relate...it's easier to blame them than to accept the wisdom they are giving us. Thankfully I am learning to humble myself and apologize to dh when needed, but it sure doesn't come naturally for me! No way!
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