September 18, 2006

The Good The Bad And The Downright Gross

I'm a really simple gal. It truly doesn't take much to make my day; a fistfull of hershey's hour without sibling rivalry...a moment in the bathroom without interuption.....these are the things of beauty in my life. But being the mother of four children I can say with complete honesty that they don't happen very often and if they do, there is always a catch.

We just finished a whirlwind month of birthday celebrations for all three of my boys. September is like Christmas morning around here; lot's of toys and children who are completely absorbed by them. Which translates to: much free time for mom. I decided to take advantage of their preoccupation and engage in one of my favorite mommy pasttimes which is going to the bathroom ALONE!

I tippy toed upstairs so as not to disrupt their play and walked into my bathroom with a sigh of gratitude. Ahh....glorious peace behind the only door that locks. I just might paint my toenails while I'm in here! But, as every mother learns, things aren't always what they seem. As I lowered myself to the throne, (forgive me if this is just too darn much info) I made contact with a toilet seat shaped wet spot and knew....just knew....that my hiney had just been contaminated with boy pee! (do you hear the record screeching to a halt?)

My husband has trained them so well to always put the seat down but my 6 year old really likes to cut corners. I mean, come on, why lift it when your just gonna have to put it down again? On numerous occasions I have caught him doing his thing while the seat is down and not keeping a good eye on his target. Which brings me back to the wet ring-o-pee that is now attached to my rear portions.

No removal method really makes you feel like you've got it all off and I have to admit that all day I've felt rather tarnished. I'm positive that at soccer practice today, all the other soccer moms just knew that I was carrying around a contaminated backside.

And now that I realize that I've just posted about my derriere, I think I'm just gonna call it a day.

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