April 10, 2007

How Unfortunate

It all started at lunch the other day. Elijah, my oldest, picked my favorite Chinese place as our lunch stop after church. I happily ate everything on my generous plate; sesame chicken, heaps of fried rice, barbecued pork, Triple Crown and numerous cups of sugared tea. I reached for my fortune cookie, looking forward to the little white paper that would tell me all the good news my future holds, cuz you know how accurate those little ditties can be. My family received things like this…..

You bring sunshine into the lives of others

Your strength of character outweighs your flaws

A new business venture will bring many rewards

I opened my stale cookie and pried out the paper. The heavens opened and the angelic choir began to sing as I read what the future holds for me...

Work on improving your exercise routine

Seriously, what kind of evil people stick a fortune like that into a dessert?!?

So what’s a slighty chubby mother of four to do with a message so obviously sent from heaven? Blow the dust off the treadmill and set up my first appointment with a personal trainer, that’s what!

So my personal trainer and I (hubz who is reliving his glory days of teenage muscle power) arose at 6am this morning to perform torturous exercises resembling a contortionist that would make my evil fortune cookie maker very proud. And I learned a few things today that I thought I should pass on.

When handing over the exercise reigns to your husband, it’s probably a good idea to be getting along. Any unresolved issues just might come out during the course of events….specifically when he’s deciding how many reps you should do, I’m just sayin.

And most importantly of all, Never, and I mean never, stand BEHIND your husband while he is lifting large amounts of weight. The scientific force of all that weight being thrust up and down can sometimes produce a gaseous waste that involuntarily expells itself towards the unwilling and innocent victim. The husband will find this terribly amusing, the wife will not.

1 comment:

EE said...

LOL!! I NEVER stand behind my husband, whether he has heavy weights or not!!!

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