May 29, 2007

Show Me The Luv, Baby!

If you haven’t read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, then I suggest that you do. It’s basic premise is this; Most people have an instinctual way that they express or receive love.

And sugar, let me just tell ya, it probably isn’t the same as your spouse.

The five ways that we express and receive love are….

Words of Affirmation – Verbal compliments and affirming talk

Quality Time – giving someone your undivided attention

Receiving Gifts – visual symbols of love

Acts of Service – Doing things you know that your spouse would like you to do

Physical Touch – hand holding, hugging and, you know, the big Whoopee!!

We tend to show our love in the way we like to receive it….whether it’s the way our spouse receives it or not. So you can just imagine the confusion that sets in if you don’t know your husbands language. And I didn’t, for several years. There I was showing him love in the only way I knew how and getting so mad that he wasn’t “feeling the luv”.

And of course his language was physical touch. Since I spent the first 4 years of our marriage waddling around pregnant or with a nursing baby attached to me (Sometimes I was pregnant AND nursing) all I wanted was to NOT be touched.


So now, we finally understand.

All he needs is for me to walk through a room and run my hand up and down his arm, maybe a massage now and then, and a big hug when he walks in the door. Pretty simple. I can handle that. It’s definitely not my favorite thing to do, but I know he likes it, so I do it.

On the other hand, my love language is the lowest on his list. But man, do I need him to speak it. It seems kind of silly, the stuff that makes me feel loved, but doggone it, I ain’t real hard to please.

So here he is, showing me he loves me.

Can you tell what my love language is?


Cindy said...

Hmmm... acts of service, huh?? Rats. That's the worst love language for a long-distance friend to show a little luv! Just feel loved by knowing I'd happily watch your kids or make you dinner or eat your puffed pancakes. (My favorite act of service---eating other people's food. It is the least I can do.)

nsremom said...

I loved Cindy's comment. yep. I love eating other peoples food too!

I wanted to pump my fist in the air after looking at the picture of Chris and go 'yah man!'

I just love, love, love that book.

Rachelle said...

Great book. I've been wanting to read the one he wrote for children also.

Halfmoon Girl said...

I think that no one should get married without a thorough understanding of this concept! Would eliminate a lot of drama and tears!

EEEEMommy said...

I just had a somewhat frustrating conversation with my mom about this book. She just doesn't get it and claims that she doesn't have a love language. My story with regard to this book is very similar to yours, our husbands share the same love language and I share your aversion to not being touched. :) It was a very practical book for us to read!

Looking forward to the pictures of whatever lovely things you'll soon be growing!

mylittleducks5 said...

I also thought that book was an eye opener. Mine is time and my husband is talking and with people all day and then gets attacked by a mob of kids. Which means he likes to get some time alone. So that challenges him and then his is words of affirmation and that is a challenge for me. It'so obvious that God consistantly places us in situations that stretch us, and mold us to act more like Him and think less about ourselves.

EE said...

Service...just like my husband's!
I read this book about 4 or 5 years ago...great stuff!

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