June 22, 2007

She Who Laughs Last

Do you ever have those moments where you walk away from a situation and 30 minutes later you’ve practiced everything you SHOULD have said but couldn’t think of at the time?

Hah! Today was different.

I was shopping at Costco and I obviously have some issues because I’ve posted about this a few times. But I sometimes question this whole evolution thing because people there are like animals! It’s like bumper buggies or something. People block the aisles, race around you, cut in front of you in line, slam into your cart, and my personal pet peeve…..drive down the wrong side of the aisle. I know this is anal but geez this is America not Europe. We drive on the right side of the road people, and personally I think that should include the inside of grocery stores too!!!!

Let me just take a few breaths to calm down.

So I made it to the check out with only minor bruising, ran the gauntlet of middle-of-the-aisle carts by the food court, and lugged my flatbed cart out to the teeny tiny Volvo I drove there. I managed to stuff a months worth of groceries into the trunk of the car without breaking the eggs and began to drive off.

I stopped to let cars cut in front of me. I was the only one at the first crosswalk to let the hoards of people cross for 10 minutes before I could continue. And again, I was the only one to stop at the second crosswalk for another 10 minutes of rush hour pedestrians. But by the time the jaywalker decided to strut her stuff across 6 lanes of traffic and down the middle of the parking lot, my niceness was wearing thin.

I saw her coming, really I did. But darn it if the stubborn in me didn’t win out. And I wasn’t budging. She acted like she owned the place and I should stop for her. But even though I watched her out of the corner of my eye, noting that she wasn’t slowing down as I approached, I left my foot nice and steady on the accelerator.

The dummy wanted to play chicken with a car? Well, you picked the wrong girl today.

Within a few feet of my car, and with my window open, she hollers to me in a sing-song sarcastic voice, “Thanks for slowing down!”

And without a moments hesitation, this gal who absolutely hates confrontation and is the self proclaimed queen of sarcasm herself replies in a matching sing-song voice at the top of her lungs, “Thanks for using the crosswalk!”

Ha! She wasn’t expecting my witty retort, I’m sure. In fact she stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the road in what I prefer to think was a deep contemplation of how right I was and how wrong she had been.

But it could have been her thinking, “Now where did I put my handgun?”

I decided not to wait and find out.


EE said...

I'm impressed...that was good!!!

Halfmoon Girl said...

That was funny! Yes, it is every man for himself at Costco!

nsremom said...

costco is like a jungle sometimes. You forgot to mention the psycho...PSYCHO people who will step in front of you when the free food samples are available. Grown men who will step in front of my sweet little 8 year old to get the last nibble of toast. WHO DOES THAT!!! It's not like it's liquid gold. Then my 8 yo looks bummed 'cause now she has no sample.

yep, I'd of done the same thing to that jaywalker. :) lol (or would have wanted to!

jtcosby said...

Oh I am so laughing right now...you are so hilarious!

Gayle said...

Bwahhaaahaaa! That's great!
My patience wears completely thin too when I shop. I cannot believe how inconsiderate of others people can be, and God help the person who ends up being the one on my last nerve. UGH!
BTW, I have finally made my move! Thanks for all your help, friend. :)

Shari said...

Careful. If you had hit her the pedestrian still has the right away. She might have got a ticket too, but it is not her fault that you were having a rough day.

Peace to you. We have all been there, even if it is not right.


Caroline said...

Love your story, and what a great comeback - especially since you thought of it on the spot and not an hour later. My pet peeve...when people park over the line. My evil solution - I drive a teeny tiny Toyota Echo, and I don't care if I leave 2 inches to open the door, or if I have to climb over to another door, I park right up close to them. Learn to drive why don't cha!

chickadee said...

very funny! you're going to have to start doing your shopping during week days! this could be bad for your blood pressure.

Angela said...

Oh...I never can come up with just the right thing at the right moment. I bow to your wit!

Courtney said...

You must shop at the same Costco I do! Every time I leave muttering "I am NEVER coming back here..."

Cindy said...

Nicely done.
Except for that fact that it is true that someone could pull out a gun...Scott made me stop giving my witty retorts for that reason. But he wasn't with me this week when two people on my street were yelling at each other about their driving, so when they were done I very cleverly said, "Great example for the kids." Unfortunately, I said it in front of my kids. Not such a great example.

Rachelle said...

Too funny! Thanks for the laugh. Everytime I leave a big box store I think "Never again"...and yet I always do. LOL

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