She Who Laughs Last

Do you ever have those moments where you walk away from a situation and 30 minutes later you’ve practiced everything you SHOULD have said but couldn’t think of at the time?

Hah! Today was different.

I was shopping at Costco and I obviously have some issues because I’ve posted about this a few times. But I sometimes question this whole evolution thing because people there are like animals! It’s like bumper buggies or something. People block the aisles, race around you, cut in front of you in line, slam into your cart, and my personal pet peeve…..drive down the wrong side of the aisle. I know this is anal but geez this is America not Europe. We drive on the right side of the road people, and personally I think that should include the inside of grocery stores too!!!!

Let me just take a few breaths to calm down.

So I made it to the check out with only minor bruising, ran the gauntlet of middle-of-the-aisle carts by the food court, and lugged my flatbed cart out to the teeny tiny Volvo I drove there. I managed to stuff a months worth of groceries into the trunk of the car without breaking the eggs and began to drive off.

I stopped to let cars cut in front of me. I was the only one at the first crosswalk to let the hoards of people cross for 10 minutes before I could continue. And again, I was the only one to stop at the second crosswalk for another 10 minutes of rush hour pedestrians. But by the time the jaywalker decided to strut her stuff across 6 lanes of traffic and down the middle of the parking lot, my niceness was wearing thin.

I saw her coming, really I did. But darn it if the stubborn in me didn’t win out. And I wasn’t budging. She acted like she owned the place and I should stop for her. But even though I watched her out of the corner of my eye, noting that she wasn’t slowing down as I approached, I left my foot nice and steady on the accelerator.

The dummy wanted to play chicken with a car? Well, you picked the wrong girl today.

Within a few feet of my car, and with my window open, she hollers to me in a sing-song sarcastic voice, “Thanks for slowing down!”

And without a moments hesitation, this gal who absolutely hates confrontation and is the self proclaimed queen of sarcasm herself replies in a matching sing-song voice at the top of her lungs, “Thanks for using the crosswalk!”

Ha! She wasn’t expecting my witty retort, I’m sure. In fact she stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the road in what I prefer to think was a deep contemplation of how right I was and how wrong she had been.

But it could have been her thinking, “Now where did I put my handgun?”

I decided not to wait and find out.