July 20, 2007

I Will Survive

I survived the GYN today and I have to say it was the oddest feeling sitting in that waiting room and still being able to cross my legs. I think my appointment was during Pregnant-Lady day, and I also think I should send a thank-you card to the receptionist who scheduled my appointment because it doesn’t get much better for a woman if she can walk in a room and know she’s the skinniest one in there. You should have seen me strut my stuff when it was my turn to be called back.

And, to top it all off, I’d like to provide a verbatim quote from my Dr.

Drumroll please…

“Well Gayle, your weight looks good”

Isn’t he a sweet man?

Although I think I have just one more little tidbit to add to my list.

When I’m laying down in my beautiful cardboard half-shirt and matching paper towel skirt, and you are educating me about my aging body, it’s best to not stand right over the top of me while talking. Unbeknownst to you, YOU SPIT WHILE YOU TALK. And not only did I get a refreshing little shower but you left hideous spittle all over the front of my delightful attire.

Here’s a little equation for ya….

Paper Gown + Spit = Disintegration

(I am a homeschool mom, you know)

So FYI Doc, you left the room at just the right time because my gown was beginning to fall apart at the edges and we would have both been a little embarrassed.

And if THAT visit wasn’t enough, I get my first mammogram on Monday.

So, who’s the Ding-Dong that dreamed up the idea that we must not only stand shirtless in a room with a stranger, exposing the gush above the top of our jeans, and squish our sensitive breast into a pancake shape?

I bet it was someone with no breasts!


Shari said...

Wow! Your last three posts really have me laughing.


Melissa said...

They aren't so bad unless they call you back in to do it again because they "didn't quite get the look they wanted". In otherwords...there are worse things than a mammagram...TWO mammagrams! :)

I like your new blog, but miss you at HSB :(


Gayle said...

Eeeewww...he *spit* on you?!
That is completely grody.
I didn't think you had to have a mammogram until you were 40...why are you going so early?

Cindy said...

The Crystal Gayle link did me in.

nsremom said...

I'm surpised you even knew who Crystal Gayle was....the long haired wonder.

and he SPIT? grossssss.

wtg about the weight comment. Want some fries with that shake?

Halfmoon Girl said...

As you may remember, I just had my first experience with mammograms. Yes, they would fall under the category not even registering on the pain scale compared to natural childbirth, but one of those humbling experiences where you don't have a lot of dignity. Not as bad as I had heard though.

Gayle said...

Ok what's with the Crystal Gayle link. I didn't do that and I don't even see it. Somebody enlighten me! Is there some mystery link in my post?

EE said...

You totally crack me up!!!
Thanks for the laughs!!

Family O'Foxes said...

I had my appointment yesterday. They informed me it had been 4 years since my last one and prior to that one it had been 3 years. I see a pattern. Maybe I'll go 5 years before I go back.

My dr. explained the mammogram this way to me...it is like getting dental xrays..it is a little painful but it quick. She said she would much rather get that done than to have a pelvic exam. I'll keep that in mind when I have to get one.

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