I Will Survive

I survived the GYN today and I have to say it was the oddest feeling sitting in that waiting room and still being able to cross my legs. I think my appointment was during Pregnant-Lady day, and I also think I should send a thank-you card to the receptionist who scheduled my appointment because it doesn’t get much better for a woman if she can walk in a room and know she’s the skinniest one in there. You should have seen me strut my stuff when it was my turn to be called back.

And, to top it all off, I’d like to provide a verbatim quote from my Dr.

Drumroll please…

“Well Gayle, your weight looks good”

Isn’t he a sweet man?

Although I think I have just one more little tidbit to add to my list.

When I’m laying down in my beautiful cardboard half-shirt and matching paper towel skirt, and you are educating me about my aging body, it’s best to not stand right over the top of me while talking. Unbeknownst to you, YOU SPIT WHILE YOU TALK. And not only did I get a refreshing little shower but you left hideous spittle all over the front of my delightful attire.

Here’s a little equation for ya….

Paper Gown + Spit = Disintegration

(I am a homeschool mom, you know)

So FYI Doc, you left the room at just the right time because my gown was beginning to fall apart at the edges and we would have both been a little embarrassed.

And if THAT visit wasn’t enough, I get my first mammogram on Monday.

So, who’s the Ding-Dong that dreamed up the idea that we must not only stand shirtless in a room with a stranger, exposing the gush above the top of our jeans, and squish our sensitive breast into a pancake shape?

I bet it was someone with no breasts!