Having THE TALK

If there is anything that I’ve done right in parenting, and this might be the ONLY thing, it is to talk unashamedly about body changes and sex with my children.

It surely hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to fake my way through my own embarrassment but I’ve managed to do it.

I guess I just really had the goal that I wanted my kids to be comfortable seeking their information from me or their Dad and the only way I knew how to do that, was to give them the information before anyone else did. So it just became a part of our everyday conversation.

We started by teaching correct names for body parts ie... head, arm, foot, penis, vagina. I worried so much that they would use their new vocabulary in inappropriate places. But what I found out was that the excitement of the word was removed because to them it was just another body part.

We also made sure that when the kids asked questions they were answered specifically (not graphically) and again, without showing our own embarrassment. I remember one of my sons asking me about my pregnant tummy.

“Mommy, how does the baby get out?”

“Well, the doctor will help him get out.”

(See, I tried to avoid it but he just wasn’t satisfied with that.)

“No Mommy, does it come out your belly button or do they cut you open?”

Gulp, here goes….

“No, the baby will come out of my vagina.”

“Where’s that?”

“It’s between my legs.”

“Oh.”

And off he went to play.

Another conversation was during the time that one of my sons was becoming aware of his erections.

“Mommy, my penis feels funny….it’s sticking up.”

(Inside, I’m thinking, “Why me, God?”)

“Yeah, it does that sometimes but it’s normal.”

And he was happy with that answer, thank goodness.

We also had a neighbor girl start to share her tiny amount of knowledge about the actual sex act with our then 8 and 9 year old kids. So in order to correct some misconceptions and insure that we would be the first to teach these things, we decided to have THE TALK and explain the actual act as well as the appropriate context for it's use.

So the litmus test for all this frank talk was this weekend with my only daughter.

I had been searching for some books to prepare her for her body changes and to explain the whole Period thing, because to be honest, I don’t quite remember how everything works anymore. It’s just a part of life and I forget exactly what happens when and why. After going through at least six WAY too graphic books that promoted some values that I just don’t believe in and too many nasty pictures, I came across this EXCELLENT resource.

After reading it, my daughter, who is nearly 11, climbed up on her Daddy’s lap that evening and told us that she felt she was ready for a bra.

Let me just say that again……She Asked Her Daddy And I For Her First Bra.

She was a bit embarrassed but here was no shame or humiliation. And she felt comfortable enough to talk to both us.

Hubs handled it great and really encouraged her about becoming a young woman and the exciting changes she would be going through soon.

So my daughter and I immediately went down and shopped. She asked so many questions on the way to the store.

~What will my period feel like?
~When did yours start Mom?
~Will it hurt?
~Should I use tampons or pads?

And I was so excited that she was talking! We got her several new bras, and a new purse that we slipped a small pad into just in case it happened when she wasn’t at home. And I just felt so blessed and relieved and humbled and happy all at the same time.

Now, I know that this chapter isn’t over. We’ve passed the first test of open and honest communication about body changes but it’s going to be up to Hubs and I to keep those lines open. Because this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to conversations like this. We still have lots of ground to cover before she leaves our house and has to make some decisions on her own.

So we continue to cover this area in prayer and keep talking together.

But I can’t help but feel that I’m on the right track.

Yahoo!