Recipe For Booger Salad Sandwiches

1. Take four hard boiled eggs and let your pre-schooler remove the shells which eliminates the need for chopping the eggs into uniform chunks since they are destroyed during the removal of the shell.


2. Toss them into a giant skid proof bowl that your child can stir without stirring it right off the counter.


3. Ignore that the recipe calls for finely chopped green onion because you learned many years ago that an onion in your house just rots. If it’s snuck into any meal, no matter how small you’ve pulverized it, the built in onion-radar that each one of your kids has inherited from you, will find it.


4. Also ignore that the recipe calls for diced pimento and instead replace it with some leftover Kalamati olives from a night when you were feeling all “gourmet”. I mean really, who keeps those little red things that your kids yank out of their green olives anyway?


5. Next add 2 tablespoons of mayonnaise with the spoon that your kid has already licked, brushed his hair with and stuck between his legs to ride like a horsey.


6. And when the kid isn’t looking, sneak in the tablespoon of mustard that he hates.


7. Let your little angel stir and stir and while he’s occupied take this moment to load the dishwasher and wipe down the counters.


8. But when you notice the silence that warns you that you better find out what your little angel is doing, don’t be shocked when your son or daughter has realized that the color of the egg-salad is, amazingly, the exact same color as the booger on the end of his finger.