November 26, 2007

The Road To Posting Is Paved With Good Intentions~or~ How To Be A Human Plunger

I swear I’ve blogged at least four times this weekend in my head. Oooh, and they were good ones too. But now that I actually have a second to set in the peace and quiet of my home and think….I’m a total blank.

So I’ll just tease you with the unadulterated highlights…

Thursday we went to my parents for a relaxing comfortable afternoon dinner and then had to put on our “pretty faces” for my in-laws that evening.

A little less relaxing.

Friday I dug out the Christmas decorations and decorated the front porch with my daughter. The best it’s looked in the 5 years that we’ve lived here…thankyouverymuch!

Saturday was a second thanksgiving…pretty faces on….with the in-laws….AGAIN!

And Sunday, well, Sunday could have been a post in itself.

I went to use the little bathroom outside the pre-school room before picking up Gabe from his class. I took care of my “monthly” business (please don’t make me explain any more than that) and went to flush. It didn’t go down folks. In fact it went up! Some sweet little pre-schooler must have clogged up that toilet right before me.

I frantically searched under the sink, in the cupboard, behind the toilet and could not find a plunger anywhere. I found myself with two choices. Leave it or scuba dive for it. And I have to admit that in the split second before the toilet water rolled over the top of the rim, it was a real moral dilemma. The only thing that kept me from walking out the door was the fact that I knew the minute I opened the door, somebody’s daddy would be there smiling and waiting to go in right after me.

So what was I supposed to do?

Thankfully I had worn short sleeves, and without a seconds more hesitation, I grabbed a paper towel to protect my hand (HA, like that’s gonna help) and became a human plunger.

12 years ago I would have walked out of the room. Sticking my bare hand in a toilet full of yuck would not have even entered my mommy-free mind. But having kids does something to you. It changes you and suddenly you have options.

Your options usually include choices like whether to just spray perfume over the baby vomit and hope nobody smells it, to pretend that the tag on your inside-out shirt is a new fashion statement or to ask who that bratty kid belongs to that is screaming in the library while the whole time you hope he doesn’t look up at you and blow your cover by running to you and hollering, “Mommy.”

See what I’m talking about? OPTIONS!

So what was my point? Shoot, I don’t’ know any more. But I can tell you this. No amount of soap and water or anti-bacterial hand sanitizer can make you feel quite right after fishing stuff out of a used toilet.

And…..I’m gonna stop now.

22 comments:

Cottonista said...

Way to take the plunge.

I love your blog!

Leanne said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Gayle, I can just picture your beautiful, perfect face at that very moment when the river came up out of that toilet!!! I'da done the same thing, sisterchick! And my husband even says I'm 'snooty'!

So did the toilet return to normal???

I'm dyin' ta know!!!

Leanne

chickadee said...

it seems like the worst things always happen to you. i'm not sure i would have been able to do it.

Gayle said...

You know, I was operating under the assumption that stuff like this just happens to everybody. You mean this kind of stuff only happens to me?

And I have no idea if that toilet is working properly or not. I'm not going back to check.

mummyjaan said...

Time will heal, Gayle, if not the anti-bacterial.

Worse things can happen. Once, in the shower (in gecko-filled India), I noticed the water wasn't flowing quite as well in the drain. I thought it may have been clogged with hair. I put my hand in to clear it but what did I pick out of the soapy water but a lizard by its neck!! Eeeeeek!! I got goose-bumps writing it. Do close encounters with lizards in the shower only happen to me??

Ronnica said...

I'm SO glad that I wasn't eating breakfast as I read this like I often do. Maybe it's cuz I'm not a mommy, but I couldn't even think to do that! I hate even sticking my hand in the sink when it is clogged with food! Kudos for being so brave...and making us laugh.

Emily said...

I'm borderline impressed/revulsed.

but you're so right....what's a girl to do?

Gayle said...

NOOOOOO, you are most certainly NOT the only one these things happen to, I swear.
I could fill an entire blog with potty stories. I will share this one that I thought I had repressed until this...
This Spring, my DAD came for a visit, and decided that he would talk on his cell phone whilst taking a leak (nice, huh?)...anywho, the little bitty Razr phone slips out of his big ol' hand INTO the toilet that he just peed in. Naturally, he couldn't get it out, so GUESS WHO gets to go fish???
Ok, back to my happy place.
Oh, and I would love for you to spill why you had to put on your pretty face...I love a good in-law brawl.

jtcosby said...

Ok, that one actually made me laugh out loud...out loud...surprised the kids aren't asking me what I am laughing at! :) You are awesome!!!!

Cindy said...

What do you mean, "monthly business"?

hee hee hee

Scott said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post with perfect timing.
Yesterday I wrote a post for which my adoring wife called me "deadmeat."
Evidently, she doesn't like it when I mention feminine hygiene.
I told her that if GAYLE had written it, she would've just laughed and laughed.
So, almost as if orchestrated by me, you mention the "monthly business" AND sticking your hands in a toilet AND it all takes place in the house of GOD no less.
We'll see if Cindy is impressed.

laura said...

I've fished more things out of toilets than I ever care to recall! Kuddos for being so brave, especially when rubber gloves were not an option.

~Laura

Rachelle said...

You are a brave soul, Gayle. I think I would have walked away. LOL

Homeschool Help Web said...

Okay, THAT makes me feel better about my daughter.

Two years ago she used a porta-potty and washed her hands with the "soap" they had left in there.

You know, that cake of deodorizing stuff that goes in the bowl on the side?

Yes, the urinal cake.

No, there was no running water or real soap available ANYWHERE.

I feel better now - she was just 7 and didn't know better. Tee hee.

carrie said...

well, I'm not judging you. I probably would've done the same thing. Of course thinking about it right now, I'm almost gagging.

But things are always different when in those kind of situations...

EE said...

I think I love you, Gayle!!!!

candi said...

You are not alone. Many a time have I gone in after something. I'd rather go in and get the offender than clean the whole bathroom after. But to make you feel a bit better, I will share a bathroom story that didn't include me getting messy, but THOROUGHLY embarrassed.
When my dh and I first got married, we rented a little house on a lake from a couple in our church. This house had a sewer thingy in the front yard. If the toilets stopped working the town would come out and do something with it and they would work again. Shortly after we moved out, the owners came over and had a large 4th of July party at the house. NO ONE HAD EVER TOLD US NOT TO FLUSH CONDOMS, so we did. Often. During said party, the sewer cap thingy began to overflow in the yard. When they took it off to check the problem, hundreds of condoms came pouring out! Now thankfully I was not present at this party, but half the church was so I found out when I got to church on Sunday. To say the least, I WAS MORTIFIED!! Moral of the story is, if it doesn't come from your body...DON'T FLUSH IT!! It just might come back to haunt you!

Sonya said...

OH. MY. GOODNESS! I'm not sure I could have done that. Just reading your post made my breakfast come up! LOL! You're the man! Honestly, you should receive some kind of reward for this one!

EEEEMommy said...

Gross!
Gross!
Gross!
But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Gayle said...

Come stroll down memory lane with me on my blog and accept my apologies for never really showing up in our book discussion group...whew...glad I finally got THAT off my chest...:)
Oh, and we really need to come up with another way to distinguish between us rather than "the other Gayle"...LOL
Ok, now that you think I have COMPLETELY lost my marbles I shall go. (just go to my blog)

mylittleducks5 said...

I always use cooking tongs to fish things out of the toilet. Maybe you can find a pair that fit in your purse-LOL You can really tell a funny story. You and Emily must be one huge giggle fest. I knew about the Candi story, I was hoping I wasn't going to be the one to tell her;/ Luckily she heard it from someone before I had a chance to tell her. We were still new friends
:>Michelle

ConservaChick said...

I asked Chris if he wanted to hear a funny story. "Sure he said". I proceeded to tell him what you wrote in this post. His eyes got big and said "THAT was NOT funny." He felt SO bad for you Gayle! He was almost irritated that I was laughing!
But I can laugh at your expense.. with very little pity. Because while he may have come through parenting thus far with pretty "clean hands" I like you, have been elbow deep in all sorts of yuck. ~K

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