January 21, 2008

And What To My Wondering Eyes Should Appear?

So, my library has rows and rows of free movie rentals. They’ve crammed their movie shelves pretty close together so you end up standing back to back with whoever is looking at the shelf behind you.

Sometimes it’s a little too close for comfort and it seems that there are a lot of odorous people who live in the Pacific Northwest and like movies. But when something is free I’m not afraid to compromise my stand-two-feet-away-from-me policy to take advantage of it.

I’m kinda generous like that.

So I squatted down on the floor to read the back cover of a movie on the bottom shelf. And I stayed there a bit, knowing that my personal boundaries were getting compromised as the crush of smelly people gulped down the free space I had made up top.

And when I decided I could take the cramps in my flabby squatting thighs NO LONGER, I realized that there was no room for me to stand.

Well, that is, without bumping into the hairy beer belly that was dangling out of the T-shirt above me.

So in a moment of panic I twisted around on the floor and was immediately eye level with the very large butt of a woman wearing green sweat pants….with a two inch hole in her seam that exposed the top of her crack.

No human should have to see that.

Ever!

But thar she was, for all to see. And it was obvious that underpants were not a top priority for her.

So my first thought was, do I tell her? I mean how could she not know? That would feel a bit drafty to me. I would want to know if my crack was hanging out. Even if it was a stranger that had to tell me.

What would you have done?

17 comments:

carrie said...

Of course you don't tell her! She might have a pair of nun chucks hiding in there somewhere. Not that I'd know anything about that!

You did the right thing by coming here and writing about it. It's a cleansing process to get it out of your system.

chickadee said...

i would have blogged it of course, just like you did!

maudie-mae said...

If I am in a more uncouth mood, I'd have taken a picture of it and posted it somewhere online (not really--I'd just think it). Actually I file it away in my "Don't ever let me go out in public wearing that" file. I have been collecting fashion faux pas's that I have seen people wear and begging my friends to lock me up and throw away the key if I EVER EVER EVER attempt to go out in public wearing that.

Halfmoon Girl said...

backed away slowly...then I would have had a chuckle. Maybe she has a whack of kids. I can understand being relegated to sweatpants without having the time to check for holes or underwear! I actually haven't done that myself, but I have worn things inside out and gone commando by accident cause I just threw on something to run downstairs to find underwear... of course I got sidetracked by the time I made it downstairs and only realized my predicament later while shopping... Now you know my little secret...

Scott said...

"Excuse me, ma'am. Could I use my camera phone to get a picture of your buttcrack peeking through the hole in those fine sweatpants? It's o.k. It's only going on my blog."

candi said...

I probably would have told her, but I am just like that. I have a habit of doing things like that. I am the first to tell a perfect stranger that they have food in their teeth or something hanging out of their nose.

Maybe I need to work on that.

Ronnica said...

No, I wouldn't say anything. How could you? "Excuse me, ma'am, but your crack is exposed." I don't think so.

~Rhen said...

After throwing up I am sure the area would clear enough for me to stand up!
I would not have told her either. I imagine she would have been mortified and there is no telling how she would react. Beer belly man would have been fair game though!

Leanne said...

Girl, just walk away, walk away.....she's a stranger, she must know and just didn't care, don't DO it!

Of course, if I had run into YOU, now, and you had had that same thing going on, I would have SO told you, like boogers hanging out of your nose or stuff all over your face or stuff in your teeth, yep, it's okay to do it for a friend or even someone you're acquainted with, but NOT a stranger.

Okay, that's enough from me!

Leanne

EEEEMommy said...

You're a magnet for this kind of stuff! It's crazy!

Stacy said...

I just recently started reading your blog through Cindy's...

Oh boy. Hilarious!

And for the record, NO YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID A THING! You just pretend you didn't see. And then get home to your computer to blog about it.
:)

~Stacy

ConservaChick said...

I've always been in awe of those who freely share their crack. GROSS! ~K

MaryLu said...

Crawled around the corner and gotten out of there just as fast as my fully covered legs could carry me, free movies or no free movies!

40winkzzz said...

Your title BEGS to be finished. "But what to my wondering eyes should appear? What churned my stomach and filled me with fear? Why, a big hairy crack in a green-covered rear!"

...or something like that.

~Robin said...

oh my. I've HAD a similar experience, and what I DID was die a little inside-and move away alowly, deciding that my opinion was not going to help their *ugh* situation. What can you do?!

EE said...

Wished I would have had my camera handy;)

Happyhome said...

I don't know what I would have told her. I'm too busy wondering how you got out of that predicament. Ewwwww! That is too many people in my bubble that I did NOT invite.

Angela

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