Normally when I go shopping, I go alone but I am constantly observing those women who shop as a pack. They try stuff on and then ask their friends, “Do I look fat? I kind of like this, what do you think?” and the friends reply, “Oh, girl, that looks so good on you! You should try that in a different color. That makes you look so skinny!”
But since I prefer to shop alone, I don’t get that feedback like most women do. So naturally I provide it for myself. And to the lady in the dressing room right beside me, I do not have multiple personality disorder… honest!
“What the heck???”
“When did my butt get so big?”
“I thought I was an 8, this says 11 but it fits! Hmm…it’s obviously mis-sized!”
“These people have clearly never given birth!”
“Why does the granny style fit me but the juniors don’t?”
“Girl, you need to lose some weight!
(Lots of grunting and jumping and moaning)
“Oh man, those suck my tummy in so good I don’t even care if they aren’t on sale!”
And if you are reading this and everything fits when you try it on, then I’m convinced you are either 12 years old or a guy.