March 11, 2008

Speak To The Eyeballs, Not To The Zit

In honor of my birthday last week and the fact that I’m mourning the loss of the phrase “I’m in my mid-30’s” God decided to give me a gigantic reminder that I’m not truly “old” yet.

Because If I can have a zit the size of the titanic on my face, well then I obviously have just a wee bit of puberty still coursing through my veins, right?

Funny God….really funny.

So the ginormous blemish on the right half of my face has become “the elephant in the room” at our house. Nary a word has been mentioned about its arrival or the days following, where it has grown and grown to epic and near volcanic proportions.

Not even my four year old who likes to holler out; “Hey Mom, I see your crack,” when I’m bending down in the grocery store to reach something on the bottom shelf, has brought it up.

So I had this false sense of security that maybe it wasn’t noticeable after all. Maybe just maybe the 3 inch thick coat of concealer that I’ve been putting over it with my garden trowel has done the trick.

Excuse me while I choke on my sarcastic laughter.

Because today while doing math at the kitchen table with my kids, my husband came in to tap my vast knowledge of all things business by asking me a deep question about our taxes. And I noticed that while he was talking he was having a hard time focusing on what he was trying to say.

Now, in the early years of our marriage, my great perky breasts would be the only thing that would distract him from a long winded conversation about politics, the New Testament church, or 401-k plans. A little jiggle and he’d lose his train of thought and move onto something else. It was almost like a built in remote control, really.

But in a moment of clarity that revealed not only that my aging breasts were far from perky and distracting anymore, I realized my husband was staring at something entirely different.

And being the helpful wife that I am, I reached my hand up to cover the enflamed side of my face and said, “Speak to the eyeballs, honey, not to the zit.”

It marked a new era in our marriage, really. It’s probably the first time he’s ever finished a conversation with me in 13 years.

Drat, this aging stuff.


Halfmoon Girl said...

I have seen the same look of distraction on my hubby's face when I have a humdinger zit going. When I ask him what he is looking at, he gets this funny smile and I totally know that I caught him! Where is the part where all they notice is our beauty and sparkling personality. Hope you had a great bd and that you were feeling all better!

chickadee said...

i have been lamenting the same thing today. i have a zit in the middle of my forehead, bullseye and i just turned 38 yesterday. at this rate the wrinkles and zits will soon even out.

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

SOOOO rolling here. :) You are hysterical. And I love you AND your ginormous zits.

seven said...

This post is hilarious. :)

Emily said...

you make me laugh OUT loud.

Anonymous said...

Seriously Gayle, you have me in stitches.

Stretch Mark Mama said...

Enjoyed that, thanks.

MInTheGap said...

I had a youth pastor that was still getting zits way into his 40s. Perhaps it's the "Peter Pan" in us that refuses to grow up.

Great post.

EEEEMommy said...


Anonymous said...

My husband is always kind enough to say things like "wow man that's a bad one" or "why does your hair look like that" He means it in the most loving way possible.;p When I notice food on his face or something. He says "you got an eye problem" Then we laugh.
@hsb SeekingJesusnTeachingKids

Leanne said...

Gayle, YOU totally about make me wet my pants!!!! Ah, how funny!!!

Here I try to be all helpful and sound all knowledgeable....did you try that witch hazel astringent on your face that you had posted about on your Grocery cart blog?? Or even, in desperation, a tiny bit of rubbing alcohol...just dab it on the offending blemish with a Q-tip. It will dry it out and make it disappear.

Yeah, that's really useful info, I know!!! What have you got to lose?


Stacy said...

ohmygoodness your'e so funny!



Marsha said...

I am right with ya there! Except I also can distract my husband with a wiry white hair sticking up at the top of my head.

Lucky me.

EE said...

I had one of those that started at Christmas and is just now going away. Love the title, cause it's just so true!!

Irritable Mother said...

I so understand you. I am 36 years old and still battling acne. This is just not fair!!!
My mom told me after her first pregnancy she stopped getting zits, and that's what I expected. Not only did my kids reduce my once-perky breasts to nothingness, they didn't even stop my zits. *humph!*
Glad to know I'm not the only one!

Anonymous said...

Try taking cranberry capsules (usually taken for urinary tract health!) to help with breakouts. I stumbled upon this accidentally. I used to get huge cyst-like breakouts on my chin, but when I started taking the cranberry pills (for totally different reasons!), my face cleared right up. I guess it makes sense...bacteria causes both problems, right? They are in any drugstore, in the vitamin section.

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