One For The Books

What a fun day. It started in the wee hours of the morning when I noticed that Chris had clearly crossed the invisible line in the middle of the bed that shows where my side ends and his begins. This is a big no-no. I distinctly remember explaining this to him after the honeymoon wore off and before our second child was born. That, yes indeed, there was a "His" side and a "Her" side in our bed. The ability to cross that line is on an invitation only basis.

He hadn't been invited.

So when I awoke out of a sound sleep with Chris' hairy armpit in my face and his insanely warm body smooshed up against mine I was a little miffed. When I looked past the wall of man I realized what the problem was. A drooling five year old was laying in his place and Chris had been shoved to the center.

Unfortunately the drooling five year old ended up in my bed because he had a belly ache that later decided to erupt from his mouth and nose (never seen that before) in a waterfall of color similar to 80's mauve. Lucky me.

And not to be outdone, my thirteen year old son decided to get the mail barefoot which resulted in a 1/2 inch rectangle of dull glass shoved into the bottom of his foot. He bounded in the door dripping blood, just as my 12 year old daughter ran up the stairs crying and slamming her door because I had said something that offended her fine sensibilities. Hours later I'm still trying to figure out what it was I said.

I proceeded to pluck out the glass with my "oh my gosh is that a chin hair!" tweezers. While simultaneously holding back the tide of nausea as I performed minor surgery on my sons foot.

And then found out I started my period.

Of course.