October 2, 2007

A Plea For Help

This week Shannon is doing a little something different for Works for Me Wednesday. It’s Backwards day so instead of giving out tips we get to ask for them.

If you’ve read my blog at all, you know that I have a plethora of poop stories and the reason behind my fascination is that I have a four year old who still refuses to do his job on the toilet. A pull-up is his receptacle of choice but sometimes underwear will do in a pinch.

So, lay it on me ladies. What can I do to save y'all from anymore poop stories and get this boy to do his bin’ness where it belongs?


Halfmoon Girl said...

I have been known to resort to treats. Everyone gets a little something when the potty trainee goes... That is how I was trained as a little girl. My big brothers encouraged me to pee every 5 minutes. Then they would make me stop and hold it for next time and would run to tell Mom that I had gone.
I actually don't believe in potty training. I wait until the child is wanting to. I can say the because my kids were ready by 2 1/2 to 3 years of age. I would be asking the same thing as you if my child was 4. Perhaps my last one will be that way. Then I will come ask you what worked!

Amy said...

I don't have any ideas for you, but I just had to comment and send my ((hugs))!!

Anonymous said...

My son was nearly 4 when he would finally pee in the toilet. He could read anything, but wouldn't do his business in the bathroom (he's a weird kid). He would hold his poop for days at a time so he wouldn't have to use the toilet. He did give some pretty obvious clues, though. He would tell me his butt itched or he would get really crabby. I would sit him on the toilet, he would try to get off, I'd put him back on and we would do this until he couldn't hold it anymore. After a while, he would sit on the toilet, but still didn't want to go, so I would read him a couple of books to distract him while his body took over. Hope that wasn't too much information for you.

Good Luck,

Debs said...

I have absolutely no idea! But good luck with that :-)

Cindy said...

No fabulous ideas; I just love that you used the word "bin'ness."

Hmm... I'm thinking here. Have you tried Rewards? Punishment? Bribery?

Can't ever eat dessert again until he does his bin'ness in a toilet? (That would do it for me) Or don't let him wear a pull-up and then he has to do the clean-up? (And buy new flooring with his allowance? We all know how wealthy 4 year olds are.) Yup. I'm at a total loss.

Anonymous said...

I was perusing the entries at Rocks in My Dryer when I saw this one about Poopin in the Potty. I ran right over to this blog to find someone with the same problem I have... a 4-year-old boy who refuses to poop in the potty. Pull-ups, underwear, even the floor the time I forced him to not wear anything in the hopes he would use the potty - he'll poop everywhere except the potty. I've tried treats for the siblings, bribery like a trip to the toy store to pick something out if he actually ever does poop in the potty.. you name it. Please someone, help this blogger that I have something in common with - so that I may learn, too.

Amy said...

My son was also 4 and still wouldn't poop in the potty. He would hold it (for days somtimes) until I gave him a diaper. Then he would hide and do his business, then get me to change it. So if I didn't give him a diaper, it would just be a painful process for him when he did eventually go.

I talked to his pediatrician about it, and she prescribed a mild stool softener (GlycoLax) that is a powder I could mix with juice. He drank it without even knowing it. Then he was unable to hold it and HAD to use the potty. Amazingly, after he actually went on the potty, all the drama was over b/c he realized it wasn't that bad after all.

Good luck. I know you've heard this statement before, but it's true, "It WILL happen eventually." Then you will be the one with the pointers!

Lari said...

All 3 of my boys had an aversion to pooping in the potty. They were all 4+ before they finally did. Is there a toy that he'd love to have? For us it was a big Buzz Lightyear. It still took him a little while, but we'd go visit Buzz on the Walmart shelves and talked about pooping like a big boy. He will eventually do it...Good luck!

Jennifer said...

My 2nd son was 4.5 years old when he finally trained. We tried just about everything! the thing that finally worked was to go to target and get the biggest best castle I could find - get something your ds is totally and completly in love with.
I brought it home and set it on top of the fireplace. We told him that when he pooped on the potty he could play with it. When he pooped on the potty (after it sat up there for a month) we made a huge deal of it and let him play with the castle. Then it slept on the fireplace at night. The next day he could play with it as soon as he went on the potty. If he went in his underwear we were going to take the toy away and put it back on the fireplace until the next time he went on the potty.
BTW this also worked for our oldest son who potty trained at 26 months. My kids are all over the board with training, 1 was 22 months and the fourth was also 26 months. And then my 4.5 year old. LOL you just never know what you will get.
A $35 investment was so worth it for us!

Darcy said...

I recently had the problem of my then almost 3 year old pooping in her panties. When I sought out advice on my own blog, someone responded with putting together a treasure box. So that's what I did.

We went to the Dollar Tree and the party favor section at Walmart and loaded up. I bought a box with a lid and when we got home I dumped all the treasures into the box.

Everytime she pooped on the potty, even as small as it might be (and believe me, she pooped out little kernels just for a treasure pick) she got a treasure pick. The first couple of days it was as though she was rationing her pooping in anticipation of how many treasure picks she could get in one day. LOL.

But it worked!!! I stopped adding new stuff to the box and now I wait for her to ask for a treasure pick...which is seldom.

Good Luck!

ConservaChick said...

Kid #3 was like that. We couldn't figure out what the problem was, until finally we realized, he was afraid the toilet would hurt him if he pooped in it. Weird huh. I guess, I'd suggest trying to find out if he has emotional issues about he potty (most likely brought on by older siblings convincing him that a poop monster lives in the sewer)... or is that just my family? ~Karlie

Karen said...

I asked a similar question today! So if you figure it out will you let me know?! ;)

laura said...

So I'm going to offer a suggestion that I've never personally tried...but is he maybe intimidated by sitting on the toilet? How about using a small port a potty where his feet can touch the ground? Or getting a special stool so he can have his feet rest there and not dangle? I really don't know what all you've tried to this may seem to simple.

With our kids we did bribery with candy, usually gummy bears. Candy for just them for going #1 and candy for ALL siblings if they go #2...that helped get the siblings to encourage them to go :)

Good luck..it'll happen!


Dawn said...

When my oldest son was two he would pee in the potty just fine, but he refused to poop. When he needed to poop he would ask for a diaper, so I put one on him. This went on for months and then he was three and still wouldn't poop in the potty. I did not make a big deal out of it. I had the good fortune to watch two of my friends go through the same thing with their sons before me and they tried to force them to go and it turned into a big fight and took them forever to go poop, to the point of making them sick. I decided to relax about the whole thing and not get stressed about it. What I did was buy some dinosaur stickers (two of his favorite things: dinosaurs and stickers) and every time he asked for a diaper I would say, "Do you want to try going in the potty and get a dinosaur sticker?" He always said, "No," until one day he said, "Yes." I gave him a sticker and from that day forward he pooped in the potty. Now, my daughter is a different story. I just potty-trained her on Monday (yes, one day) and she pooped in the potty on Tuesday. No problem. After reading the comments to your post I noticed that it is boys that seem to have the most problem pooping in the toilet. I wonder why. I think it's because they don't care if they're dirty and girls would rather be clean. That's my guess anyway.

Stephanie @ ATime4Everything.com said...

My daughter had this same problem when she was small. I tried everything, but eventually learned not to push the issue. Because when we did try EVERYTHING we ended up with a constipated little girl. She grew out of it by the time she was five. I know that may seem like a long time but I just felt that she shouldn't be pushed. She used to tell me that it hurt, so I think she was not used to the feeling!

WendyDarling said...

We had the same problem with my oldest nephew when he was 4. He was afraid to go to the toilet to do his "business". He had NO PROBLEM peeing in it, but he would not go.

We would take him every so often to sit on it, and he wouldn't do anything, then we would find him hiding in the closet or in a corner, because he had gone in his underwear.

We tried rewards, encouragement, and finally punishment. It got where he would hold it for days and become constipated, seriously. Did I mention the boy is also very strong-willed?

One day he had held it so much that he became VERY impacted. We were instructed to give him an enema. The poor guy sat on the toilet for an hour, and literally gave birth to a large lump. We were ALL crying.

I made an apointment with a doctor, and as soon as I told him what was going on he said it was "common". He gave us a powder to mix with water, and he had to drink 1 glass a day.

After the first time he sat on the toilet and had a really good bowel movement, he realized it didn't hurt, and he got over his fears. We rewarded him every time he went, and by the end of the month everything was normal.

I am sorry I can't remember the name of the powder. It began with an "M", but we called it his "special" water.

I hope you are able to find something to help you.

Big Red Driver said...

My friend tried everything to get her daughter to poop on the potty...I mean everything. Bribes, treats, everything. One day her husband got fed up with the whole thing and spanked her daughter and said in a really scary voice, "Thats enough!" She went on the potty after that. I'm sure it's not politically correct to spank for not pooping on the potty but my friend was REAL happy.

Leanne said...

Well Gayle, I'm sure you probably don't want to hear this, but we spanked when the kids would go in their pants. That's it. It didn't take but one spanking for them to realize that it wasn't okay. The child must be made to realize that it isn't okay, and this method definitely reinforced that.

Maybe he likes the hoopla everyone makes when he does do it in his pants or on the floor. I know, it's enough to make me freak out too.....

I like the idea of making him clean up his own mess. Let him try to figure out how to clean it up out of his pants, then maybe he'll get the idea that it isn't funny or cute or neat....

We also offered a treat to the child who was potty training when they went on the toilet. We did this for only a short time, until they got the hang of it, and we went over the moon when they did their "bidniss" on the toilet.

I know, none of these comments are particularly helpful, but I wanted to offer them up anyway, let's hear people say how cruel I am for spanking my child!!! All of these things worked for us and the potty training process at our house was never a problem.

Just a few thoughts....

And I think the "special water" is Metamucil, which is just fiber.


Beth K. said...

What happens if you (not so mistakenly) run out of pull-ups? Will he go in the potty then?

Otherwise, what about a simple conversation.

You: "So, I bet by now you know that I feel that you are a big enough boy to poop in the potty. What do you think about that?"

Him: Response

You: "I would like to help you get to the point of not pooping in a pull-up. What can we do to make that happen? Would you like me to read you a book? Do you want a special stool to put your feet on? A new toy? Candy?"

Him: Response

You: "OK, let's try that today"

Lora Lynn said...

I have twin boys and, because I was expecting another baby, I had to get them potty trained early. One of them needed about two weeks and he got the hang of it. the other twin had no trouble with the peeing, but the poop... He would poop in his pants, remove his underwear, and play with it. His brother would join in. They would drive cars through it and then all over the room.

I tried giving them showers, rather than a pleasant little bath to clean them up. A year and a half later, I've only just started to convince them that showers aren't that scary, so I maybe scarred them just a little bit. But it was a successful "punishment."

I also threw away any toys that got poop on them, rather than cleaning them up. They were a little young to understand where the toys went, but it made ME feel better.

We eventually went to a small reward (two m and ms) for pooping on the potty. When he saw his brother get the candy, he eventually caught on. It took a few months.

Boys are tough to potty train. My twins nearly killed me. But this too shall pass (pun intended). I wouldn't over do the reward thing, but a small motivation doesn't hurt. We never punished for the actual pooping in the pants, because I think as parents, we tend to take it so personally, and the child doesn't really understand that. I did, of course, punish for PLAYING WITH POOP.

Any positive progress was rewarded, but regression was just met with an "okay, we'll clean that up and move on."

Just my two cents. Hang in there!

40winkzzz said...

We had the same problem w/my #3, who also would not poop in the toilet until he was 4. I quit Pull-Ups after a while, thinking that wearing underwear would hasten the process, but basically we just ended up washing out poopy size 6 underwear for a year. And making him help wash them out didn't seem to help. Neither did the cartoon-character underwear that worked for his older sibs.

With all my kids, fear &/or tension were definitely factors, and reading to them while they sat on the potty helped to relax them enough to finally do their business. With Spaz it took many many MONTHS of reading on the potty before it worked. The book that finally did the trick (after several weeks of reading it at potty-time) was a hilariously graphic picture book called "Everyone Poops". Maybe you should try to find it. Even if it doesn't do the trick for the kid, it's guaranteed therapy for Mom.

Or, a more drastic method: My cousin's husband trained their stubborn 3-y/o in a week with the "cold pants" method. He allotted her one pair of underwear per day. When she wet or soiled them, he'd wash them out in COLD water and put them back on her. It was tough on Mom, but it worked.


Lisa said...

Currently potty training my 9th child. Every child is different, but a few things that work for us: Rewards, whatever is meaningful to the child. Having a *special* small and easily accessible potty helps with the intimidation factor. Special undies that they don't want to soil is good. But the most important thing to have is patience. If you're stressed, he's stressed; you can't make progress in such a delicate matter if you're freaking out. Best of Luck!! I promise you, he'll figure it out before he's in college.

liz said...

It's so nice to hear I'm not the only mom having this issue!! My 3 year old has been peeing in the potty for 8 months now but still wants a pull-up to poop. I have tried everything...rewards (candy, toys), denying him his favorite toys, the shower to clean up, promising everything I can think of, making him wear nothing on his bottom half (but then he just holds it for days and days...) and I'm ready to give up.
Good luck!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Well, I haven't trained my son yet, but I can see it in the near future. At 4 yrs old, I would make him clean up his own mess, and wash himself with a COLD wash cloth. Either that or put him in a COLD bath or shower.

I think a spanking is a good idea too. In both cases just make sure you lay out the rules before his next bowel mov't.

EE said...

We bribed our eldest with the Barbie Jeep. Do you think that would work with your son? ;)

Anonymous said...

Both of my boys never wanted to go. The first one would go if I happened to put him on at the right time. The second one REFUSED to go, he'd hold it in...he hadn't gone even once by three years old.

With both boys, I left my husband in charge one afternoon and he decided enough was enough. He didn't do anything special. Left them on the potty a long time, was very encouraging, and made a big fuss over their accomplishment when they went. I did all the same stuff...but I guess it's different coming from their hero, Daddy!

The weird thing is, with the younger one, he went from never going once, to completely potty trained and pretty much staying dry through the night. So weird.

Anonymous said...

Here's another idea: when potty training my kids, if they didn't want to go, nothing would work. I could bribe them with wonderful stickers, toys, candy (and for the record, I usually never bribe, especially with food), etc. They would whine for the reward, but refuse to go on the potty. Then I'd offer them a reward a month later, and it would work. So if something doesn't work now, try it again later.

Also, for two of my kids, what worked was buying them a plastic piggy bank, and keeping it on the back of the toilet tank (if you can trust them not to dip it in the toilet, lol). I kept a supply of pennies high up in the medicine cabinet where they couldn't get to it, and would let them put a penny in for each pee, and two pennies in for each poop. They loved it! I let them shake the piggy afterward and peek inside the hole at the money. It worked pretty well! But again, the penny bribe hadn't worked a couple of months earlier.

By the way, I got the bank for a dollar in the Kmart dollar section near the entrance of the store. They still had them there a few months ago. They aren't breakable.

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